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about love


When I was 10, love was Familiarity. Love was big eyes and sweet smile, coming over to give me his share of chocolates that he got for someone's birthday. Love was getting picked to play with him first. Love was random calls to my house that my mom picked up. Love was waiting for his silly emails over long summer breaks. Love was knowing I was his best friend.

When I was 14, love was a Secret. Love was staring at his pretty eyes from far away. Love was the music in my ears whenever I heard him call my name. However, love was also sly. Love was accidentally brushing against his skin while walking beside him. Love was catching him looking at me and at once looking away. Love was the crescendo of heartbeats that came after. Love was... finding out it was love.

When I was 17, love was All-knowing. Love was thinking pretty eyes wasn't love at all. Love was realizing I hadn't met love yet but knowing exactly what he looked like. Love will.... definitely be taller than me. Love will have soft hands and soft lips. Love will serenade me with songs and call me beautiful. Every. Single. Day. Love was knowing love was going to show up any day.

When I was 19, love was Euphoria. Love was asking him to call out my name and hearing it roll over his tongue, over and over again. Love was getting butterflies every time he crossed my mind. Love was losing sleep just to listen to him slur his words because of his own sleepiness. Love was finding out love was real. Love was biding him farewell despite it.

When I was 22, love was Certainty. Love had yet again made his way to me and I welcomed love with open arms. Love was knowing that I was going back home, love was knowing he was home. Love was waking up everyday with his kiss on my lips, excited about life. Love was knowing I couldn't possibly love him anymore, love was knowing he couldn't either. Love was everything I had ever hoped for and more. Love was knowing he was THE Love.

When I was 23, love was Devastation. Love was having the rug being pulled from underneath me. Love was having a constant rhythm of hurt flowing through my veins, every hour of the day. Love was knowing I did it all, love was knowing it wasn't even close to enough. Love was sobs of despair seamlessly blending into the night. Love was heartbreak. Pure utter heartbreak.

Love was hurting because of him and loving him all the same.
Love was knowing we could never do this ever again.
Love was like jumping from a cliff, making an endless fall
Love was finding out I didn't know anything about love,
I knew nothing at all.

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