thank god it's friday

I don’t know if it’s just me or time seems to be moving a lot faster these days. I simply refuse to believe that it’s been 3 weeks since I joined my new job. And it’s end of March already? No fking way.

I haven’t written for a big audience in a long time. If you know me, you know that I have always loved writing but over the past year, life caught up with me. I don’t know if mid 20s for everyone is a whirlwind or if it’s because I moved to a new country or because I was finishing up my Uni, working 4 days a week at my unpaid internship and 20 hours/week nightshift at the job that paid for my life all at the same time, everything was always too much. Sorry to my friends and family that I haven’t called in a while but calling takes too much effort. It’s my least favourite method of communication. But know that I miss you and I love you. Life isn’t bad at all, just a lot.

I did try to start writing again in the past year and a half. But everything I wrote was stupid. I didn’t even get too far, I’d write 1 line and think it was the most unnatural, terrible string of words I’ve ever read in my life. In hindsight, I think I was just putting too much pressure on myself. I never learn my lesson, do I? It would’ve been great to put out something stellar and come back with a bang but again, why is that necessary? I want to write because it brings me joy. An audience is just the cherry on top. But if you’re here now, I appreciate you. Thank you for being the void that I’m screaming into.

The vice chancellor at the university I work at sends out an all-staff email sharing some bits of personal and professional life every Friday. It doesn’t delve into much detail but it’s a good piece of writing. A good piece of writing for me is when 1) it’s easy to follow and 2) the dots connect. He briefs us on how he had a plane waiting to fly him to Uluru for work the past Monday morning, his weight loss efforts and how he’s been trying to fix his car and the repair kits just arrived in the mail. Just regular everyday stuff that makes him human and not too intimidating and I dig it. I think he’s a good leader.

I want this to be the same, very newsletter-esque blog post (series?), personal and impersonal but insightful rant, nonetheless. So. What was I up to this past week? I either am at work or sleeping for most part of the 24 hours so it’s not entirely riveting. I wake up, go to work, come back home, go for a walk or gym with friends. After all that I have exactly 1.5 hours for myself. And that too sometimes is reduced by Binaya proposing that I buy us Hungry Jacks ice cream sundae after dinner. I want to read, journal, watch Netflix, catchup on my Youtube subscriptions but alas, such is the two-edged sword of a “stable work life”, you barely have any time for yourself at all. And forget having time for anything else besides one of these things on a standard weekday.

But I did have time for some reflective discussions with friends this week. All my friends think that my life would be better if I had a significant other. It’s funny being the only single person in your friend group and in the workplace. While all my colleagues are worried about what to do for school holidays, I just want to get drunk and swim with the sharks (the good kind) in the Whitsundays soon. I do not care for anyone’s schedule but mine, along with my paid leave balances and the numbers on the banking app on my phone.

“Find someone”, they say.

“But don’t look too hard”

“But don’t not look either”

“You’re amazing, you’ll find someone”

“I have a cousin who was just like you, but she’s now moved back home and is still single at 32”

“No pressure though”

Thanks for the confidence, guys.

But in all seriousness, they mean well. And I appreciate their input as well as their discussion on my singleness. It’s a good outsider input because most of these things already run in my head. So it does validate my thoughts though my life is pretty sweet at the moment.

Maybe it’s the gradual monotony that my life is seeping into, but I can’t help but wonder if this is all there is to life. My life’s purpose can’t be sitting in a stuffy workspace, making small talk that Australians oh-so-love and attending gazillion teams meetings in a day, no matter how much I’m getting paid to pretend to listen. But again, isn’t life purposes overrated? Humans aren’t special. Does a hippopotamus or an octopus or a tree have a life purpose? It just exists. I don’t know. My brain is always arguing with itself, and it does make valid points on both sides. What is the point of all this?

Very “why are we here? just to suffer?” meme of me if I say so myself.

At least I’m starting to write again. And I hope to do this every Friday. Let’s see what revelations are in store as a result of me venting to an invisible audience. Thanks again for being here.

See you next Friday. I doubt it but I’m hopeful.

Love,

Anusha

Some glimpses of life from the past couple days:

Comments

20 Things To Do Before 20

This post is a little different than the posts I usually do and it's "fun-er" than the rest of them too. I still have a year or two before I hit the twenties and that's where things get interesting. Teenage is probably going to be the most interesting part of our lives so I wanted to make a bucket list to make sure that this phase ceases in its full glory. So, this is my take on 20 things to do before 20 . Hope you enjoy going through it ! :) 20. Bunking classes 19. Reading a good book and crying 18. Not studying for an exam but still acing it 17. Having a "love at first sight" moment 16. Watching a TV series until you get sick....literally 15. Trying a food you can't pronounce 14. Having at least 20 crushes 13. Talking to someone through the night till dawn 12. Going for shopping... alone! 11. Watching back-to-back movie at a cinema hall 10. Dating someone who isn't your type 9. Going to a dance party 8. Drunk dial...

about love

When I was 10, love was Familiarity. Love was big eyes and sweet smile, coming over to give me his share of chocolates that he got for someone's birthday. Love was getting picked to play with him first. Love was random calls to my house that my mom picked up. Love was waiting for his silly emails over long summer breaks. Love was knowing I was his best friend. When I was 14, love was a Secret. Love was staring at his pretty eyes from far away. Love was the music in my ears whenever I heard him call my name. However, love was also sly. Love was accidentally brushing against his skin while walking beside him. Love was catching him looking at me and at once looking away. Love was the crescendo of heartbeats that came after. Love was... finding out it was love. When I was 17, love was All-knowing. Love was thinking pretty eyes wasn't love at all. Love was realizing I hadn't met love yet but knowing exactly what he looked like. Love will.... definitely be taller than me....

Rust & stardust

There's not much to say about love beyond what has already been said But in the past, every time we fell apart I always used to find new ways To bleed on paper about you. Yet, this time has been different Because the words I spit out about you now don't make any sense Just like how we fell apart doesn't make any sense. Every time I sat down to write this, My thoughts always went back to that one time When you said I'd never be able to write anything without you in it, ever again. I laughed and rolled my eyes at you then But I knew you were right Even during the long stretches of radio silence between us, my words always seemed to find their way back to you. You were sometimes the hero in my stories Sometimes the villain And yet, you were there Car...

One More Day

Photo Credit: Tumblr.com If I had one more day with you, I don't think I'd do many things differently. We'd still wake up next to each other. You'd wake up first like you always did. As the morning sun pierces the curtains, I'd curl into you unconsciously, shielding myself. You'd smile unto yourself silently, embracing me. We'd be a tangle of messy hair, blankets and warmth. You'd be the first one to get up from the bed. "We'll be late", you'd say. "Can't we just take a day off? Go for a picnic maybe? It'd be our first date after getting married" , I'd suggest. "Sure honey", you'd say laughing. I'd wake up next and start making tea. After a while, you'd come out of the shower, all steam and water drops. Gently sipping my tea, I'd look at you. "What are you looking at, missus?" you'd say with pretend innocence. "Only my favorite person in the world...

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La Vie En Rose

You see me and you smile I look away, too shy You kiss me and talk of love This is la vie en rose We take a walk in the rain together holding hands, it only gets better Unfurling, I tell you things I feel You smile and touch my lips And life will always be la vie en rose.

Encounters.

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Love & Hate

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How I Met Your Mother vs Friends

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...I speak my mind =)