I don’t know if it’s just me or time seems to be moving a lot faster these days. I simply refuse to believe that it’s been 3 weeks since I joined my new job. And it’s end of March already? No fking way.
I haven’t written for a big audience in a long time. If you know me, you know that I have always loved writing but over the past year, life caught up with me. I don’t know if mid 20s for everyone is a whirlwind or if it’s because I moved to a new country or because I was finishing up my Uni, working 4 days a week at my unpaid internship and 20 hours/week nightshift at the job that paid for my life all at the same time, everything was always too much. Sorry to my friends and family that I haven’t called in a while but calling takes too much effort. It’s my least favourite method of communication. But know that I miss you and I love you. Life isn’t bad at all, just a lot.
I did try to start writing again in the past year and a half. But everything I wrote was stupid. I didn’t even get too far, I’d write 1 line and think it was the most unnatural, terrible string of words I’ve ever read in my life. In hindsight, I think I was just putting too much pressure on myself. I never learn my lesson, do I? It would’ve been great to put out something stellar and come back with a bang but again, why is that necessary? I want to write because it brings me joy. An audience is just the cherry on top. But if you’re here now, I appreciate you. Thank you for being the void that I’m screaming into.
The vice chancellor at the university I work at sends out an all-staff email sharing some bits of personal and professional life every Friday. It doesn’t delve into much detail but it’s a good piece of writing. A good piece of writing for me is when 1) it’s easy to follow and 2) the dots connect. He briefs us on how he had a plane waiting to fly him to Uluru for work the past Monday morning, his weight loss efforts and how he’s been trying to fix his car and the repair kits just arrived in the mail. Just regular everyday stuff that makes him human and not too intimidating and I dig it. I think he’s a good leader.
I want this to be the same, very newsletter-esque blog post (series?), personal and impersonal but insightful rant, nonetheless. So. What was I up to this past week? I either am at work or sleeping for most part of the 24 hours so it’s not entirely riveting. I wake up, go to work, come back home, go for a walk or gym with friends. After all that I have exactly 1.5 hours for myself. And that too sometimes is reduced by Binaya proposing that I buy us Hungry Jacks ice cream sundae after dinner. I want to read, journal, watch Netflix, catchup on my Youtube subscriptions but alas, such is the two-edged sword of a “stable work life”, you barely have any time for yourself at all. And forget having time for anything else besides one of these things on a standard weekday.
But I did have time for some reflective discussions with friends this week. All my friends think that my life would be better if I had a significant other. It’s funny being the only single person in your friend group and in the workplace. While all my colleagues are worried about what to do for school holidays, I just want to get drunk and swim with the sharks (the good kind) in the Whitsundays soon. I do not care for anyone’s schedule but mine, along with my paid leave balances and the numbers on the banking app on my phone.
“Find someone”, they say.
“But don’t look too hard”
“But don’t not look either”
“You’re amazing, you’ll find someone”
“I have a cousin who was just like you, but she’s now moved back home and is still single at 32”
“No pressure though”
Thanks for the confidence, guys.
But in all seriousness, they mean well. And I appreciate their input as well as their discussion on my singleness. It’s a good outsider input because most of these things already run in my head. So it does validate my thoughts though my life is pretty sweet at the moment.
Maybe it’s the gradual monotony that my life is seeping into, but I can’t help but wonder if this is all there is to life. My life’s purpose can’t be sitting in a stuffy workspace, making small talk that Australians oh-so-love and attending gazillion teams meetings in a day, no matter how much I’m getting paid to pretend to listen. But again, isn’t life purposes overrated? Humans aren’t special. Does a hippopotamus or an octopus or a tree have a life purpose? It just exists. I don’t know. My brain is always arguing with itself, and it does make valid points on both sides. What is the point of all this?
Very “why are we here? just to suffer?” meme of me if I say so myself.
At least I’m starting to write again. And I hope to do this every Friday. Let’s see what revelations are in store as a result of me venting to an invisible audience. Thanks again for being here.
See you next Friday. I doubt it but I’m hopeful.
Love,
Anusha
Some glimpses of life from the past couple days:
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