thank god it's friday

I don’t know if it’s just me or time seems to be moving a lot faster these days. I simply refuse to believe that it’s been 3 weeks since I joined my new job. And it’s end of March already? No fking way.

I haven’t written for a big audience in a long time. If you know me, you know that I have always loved writing but over the past year, life caught up with me. I don’t know if mid 20s for everyone is a whirlwind or if it’s because I moved to a new country or because I was finishing up my Uni, working 4 days a week at my unpaid internship and 20 hours/week nightshift at the job that paid for my life all at the same time, everything was always too much. Sorry to my friends and family that I haven’t called in a while but calling takes too much effort. It’s my least favourite method of communication. But know that I miss you and I love you. Life isn’t bad at all, just a lot.

I did try to start writing again in the past year and a half. But everything I wrote was stupid. I didn’t even get too far, I’d write 1 line and think it was the most unnatural, terrible string of words I’ve ever read in my life. In hindsight, I think I was just putting too much pressure on myself. I never learn my lesson, do I? It would’ve been great to put out something stellar and come back with a bang but again, why is that necessary? I want to write because it brings me joy. An audience is just the cherry on top. But if you’re here now, I appreciate you. Thank you for being the void that I’m screaming into.

The vice chancellor at the university I work at sends out an all-staff email sharing some bits of personal and professional life every Friday. It doesn’t delve into much detail but it’s a good piece of writing. A good piece of writing for me is when 1) it’s easy to follow and 2) the dots connect. He briefs us on how he had a plane waiting to fly him to Uluru for work the past Monday morning, his weight loss efforts and how he’s been trying to fix his car and the repair kits just arrived in the mail. Just regular everyday stuff that makes him human and not too intimidating and I dig it. I think he’s a good leader.

I want this to be the same, very newsletter-esque blog post (series?), personal and impersonal but insightful rant, nonetheless. So. What was I up to this past week? I either am at work or sleeping for most part of the 24 hours so it’s not entirely riveting. I wake up, go to work, come back home, go for a walk or gym with friends. After all that I have exactly 1.5 hours for myself. And that too sometimes is reduced by Binaya proposing that I buy us Hungry Jacks ice cream sundae after dinner. I want to read, journal, watch Netflix, catchup on my Youtube subscriptions but alas, such is the two-edged sword of a “stable work life”, you barely have any time for yourself at all. And forget having time for anything else besides one of these things on a standard weekday.

But I did have time for some reflective discussions with friends this week. All my friends think that my life would be better if I had a significant other. It’s funny being the only single person in your friend group and in the workplace. While all my colleagues are worried about what to do for school holidays, I just want to get drunk and swim with the sharks (the good kind) in the Whitsundays soon. I do not care for anyone’s schedule but mine, along with my paid leave balances and the numbers on the banking app on my phone.

“Find someone”, they say.

“But don’t look too hard”

“But don’t not look either”

“You’re amazing, you’ll find someone”

“I have a cousin who was just like you, but she’s now moved back home and is still single at 32”

“No pressure though”

Thanks for the confidence, guys.

But in all seriousness, they mean well. And I appreciate their input as well as their discussion on my singleness. It’s a good outsider input because most of these things already run in my head. So it does validate my thoughts though my life is pretty sweet at the moment.

Maybe it’s the gradual monotony that my life is seeping into, but I can’t help but wonder if this is all there is to life. My life’s purpose can’t be sitting in a stuffy workspace, making small talk that Australians oh-so-love and attending gazillion teams meetings in a day, no matter how much I’m getting paid to pretend to listen. But again, isn’t life purposes overrated? Humans aren’t special. Does a hippopotamus or an octopus or a tree have a life purpose? It just exists. I don’t know. My brain is always arguing with itself, and it does make valid points on both sides. What is the point of all this?

Very “why are we here? just to suffer?” meme of me if I say so myself.

At least I’m starting to write again. And I hope to do this every Friday. Let’s see what revelations are in store as a result of me venting to an invisible audience. Thanks again for being here.

See you next Friday. I doubt it but I’m hopeful.

Love,

Anusha

Some glimpses of life from the past couple days:

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Blank Canvas

Clarissa stared at the blank Canvas. It was the umpteenth time she had tried drawing that day and every time she had failed miserably. Heaps of scrunched white paper laid beneath her feet but even so, she wasn't done with the assignment yet. Art class that afternoon had been immensely enlightening. "Art comes from you heart and not your head. It unfolds the mystery of your sub-conscious. You may pretend things to be otherwise, but always remember that a piece of art is the window to your soul. It never lies", he'd said. And She had nodded, to herself more than anyone else. At the end of the class he had told everyone to draw something that made them smile, without reason and in the most turbulent of times. The pencil she'd been holding fell from her grasp and she bounced back from her reverie. She brainstormed again and again. She picked up the pencil and thought of various ways it could go. What was the thing she lived for ? She thought of the place sh...

Things and Places- II

Photo credit: Tumblr.com This is the second part of the story I wrote a couple months back. You can click on this link " Things and Places- I " to read the first part. Also, these stories are based on a real events. I'm kidding! Maybe :P Sameer It'd been two weeks since I'd been talking to Sneha over the email. And our conversations had only gotten more amusing. Like a few days back they had argued over their least favorite/favorite Book-to-Movie adaptation and I hadn't laughed like that in ages. Dear Sneha, Don't judge me. But my least favorite book-to-movie adaptation is ....... Twilight series. Yes, I've read them. And watched ALL the movies. Yes, all five of them. Sue me. -Sameer Dear Sameer, Judge you ? what ? I respect you more because It takes guts to accept you've read Twilight series in today's world. :D Let me let you in on a secret, I've read Twilight series twice. lol -Sneha Dear Sneha, Haha, For Real?...

I had to live without my phone for 10 days and it didn't go well.

Few months after I bought a phone, the worst thing that could happen to a person that bought a new phone happened to me. My phone started to dysfunction. My brand new phone, that I was paying way more than I could afford, was having issues. And like any normal person, I too went through the 5 stages of grief. I pretended like I did not see that my apps were crashing and my phone was restarting randomly. I would just put my phone face down when that happened because I did not want to deal with it (kids, don't try this at home). And then I levelled up to the next stage. My phone would restart exactly when I was trying to send an important text, make an important call...or take a picture, or a million, of a beautiful sunset and boy, did that piss me off. I tried to look up solutions online but I couldn't find any that worked for me. Then I started bargaining. Is my phone shutting down and starting up on its own, which takes a total of 20 secs, really that big of a deal? I felt li...

Romanticism

I wanted to hold your hand Amidst the crashing waves But I never seemed to understand the conditions to our affection Why could we fall apart onto each other sometimes, blind to everything else; Other times, I couldn’t even ask you to hold me, Why was I so afraid of rejection? Did I romanticize your flimsy behavior? Or was I just a liar; Making up scenarios to downplay the extent of my emotions Because I keep choosing hurt over emptiness Delusion over reality; It does make me sometimes wonder Do I want affection or an excuse to not go seeking it?

Unabashedly Nepali

Credit: nepalitypo.blogspot.com The week between Game of Thrones episode for me is always the time for incessant theory-searching. I read hundreds of articles, watch hundreds of videos every week not just to gain an unpopular intel on the plot but honestly, just to stay sane through the wait. So last night when I was satiating my inquisitiveness via Youtube, I stumbled onto a video regarding some scenes from the show which didn't make the final cut. The video mentioned an actress named something "Acharya" whose character had died a horrible death in Season 2. "Hmmm....That sounds vaguely like a Nepali name" I thought to myself and immediately googled her. Imagine my surprise when I found out that the actress who played one of Danaerys' helper is a Nepali girl named Amrita Acharia. I was beyond excited. A Nepali person was not only present on the sets of Game of Thrones but also played a moderately important character. There were two things running ...

Purple.

it all began one august day as the sky bled into hues of purple, a coy smile from me, some words spoken in the dark from you and with the silent heat of our barely there touches, the yearning turned to longing. and come september, the longing will turn to love. and all it will take is an epiphany, an unintelligible distant symphony, a moment of chance miracle and you will know, that answers were never outside but within. you’d expect it to be earth shattering but it is a mere revelation it’s a switch you flick in your own mind that surrenders your soul. no matter what other say, it was a choice then and it will continue to remain so.

(un)finished business

By Vincent van Gogh - Starry Night Over the Rhone You were a ship passing by my ship during a sunset. Ours was a chance encounter, so it was never about staying close forever Nor was it about helping each other traverse the tides together. We had both set sail to reach far away lands from different ends of the earth With our journeys laid out in front of us. But when we met amidst the vastness of the sea It was difficult not to believe that something about our closeness made sense. There was comfort and ease in existing together, A never before felt sense of synchronicity, That all was unfolding as it should. I was the first to say goodbye though, Not because I didn't want you, But because I wanted you too much and I knew we weren't on the same page. But why is it that even if I was the reason we sail separately today, I find myself thinking about you more frequently than I care to admit. Sometimes, memories of you feel like a fervent fev...

The Knowing

Hey folks,, What's up with you guys? As of me I'm super busy with the assignments and home-works !! No matter how much effort I put....there's always another pile of assignments to complete! (sighs) Anyways.....this time I'm going to post a story I wrote ....Immature you may tell me but I seriously am improving day by day... :) ....Here's goes the story... Aryaa looked stunning in the red gown. Her face was gleaming. He couldn’t help watching her. She was moving so abruptly and graciously towards him that he nearly fainted. She looked ravishing and the pretty girl was now standing by his side. She looked at him with her big sparkly eyes. Her alluring fragrance was lifting him off his feet. She gestured him to tell him something in his ear. He absent-mindedly moved towards her. “Wake Up, Rahul” was what she said. For once he couldn’t make out what she was referring to and the next moment he opened his eyes. Rahul was already so late for college yet his mom insi...

How I Met Your Mother vs Friends

Photo:Pinterest I watched How I Met Your Mother for the first time when I was in 7 th grade. At that time, the jokes most likely went right over my head and I probably didn’t understand the context to many things but still something about Ted Mosby resonated with me, even then. I have always struggled with keeping my love in check like him which has led to various failings throughout the years but Ted’s always had my back by being one step ahead. For these reasons and more, I whole-heartedly love the show. On the other hand, I watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. a couple years later and thought it was mostly nice. I’d all but forgotten about it until last year when, for some reason, everyone started talking about it. I, by no means, thought it was a bad show but I couldn’t fathom why everyone liked it so much . People started labelling it superior to HIMYM which didn’t sit well with me. So I decided to re-watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S to gain perspective which led me to the conclusio...

Rust & stardust

There's not much to say about love beyond what has already been said But in the past, every time we fell apart I always used to find new ways To bleed on paper about you. Yet, this time has been different Because the words I spit out about you now don't make any sense Just like how we fell apart doesn't make any sense. Every time I sat down to write this, My thoughts always went back to that one time When you said I'd never be able to write anything without you in it, ever again. I laughed and rolled my eyes at you then But I knew you were right Even during the long stretches of radio silence between us, my words always seemed to find their way back to you. You were sometimes the hero in my stories Sometimes the villain And yet, you were there Car...

...I speak my mind =)