...I speak my mind =)

it all began one august day as the sky bled into hues of purple, a coy smile from me, some words spoken in the dark from you and with the silent heat of our barely there touches, the yearning turned to longing. and come september, the longing will turn to love.  and all it will take is an epiphany,  an unintelligible distant symphony, a moment of chance miracle and you will know, that answers were never outside but within. you’d expect it to be earth shattering  but it is a mere revelation it’s a switch you flick in your own mind  that surrenders your soul. no matter what other say,  it was a choice then and it will continue to remain so. 

I don’t know if it’s just me or time seems to be moving a lot faster these days. I simply refuse to believe that it’s been 3 weeks since I joined my new job. And it’s end of March already? No fking way.  I haven’t written for a big audience in a long time. If you know me, you know that I have always loved writing but over the past year, life caught up with me. I don’t know if mid 20s for everyone is a whirlwind or if it’s because I moved to a new country or because I was finishing up my Uni, working 4 days a week at my unpaid internship and 20 hours/week nightshift at the job that paid for my life all at the same time, everything was always too much. Sorry to my friends and family that I haven’t called in a while but calling takes too much effort. It’s my least favourite method of communication. But know that I miss you and I love you. Life isn’t bad at all, just a lot.  I did try to start writing again in the past year and a half. But everything I wrote was stupid. I didn’t even get t

Few months after I bought a phone, the worst thing that could happen to a person that bought a new phone happened to me. My phone started to dysfunction. My brand new phone, that I was paying way more than I could afford, was having issues. And like any normal person, I too went through the 5 stages of grief.  I pretended like I did not see that my apps were crashing and my phone was restarting randomly. I would just put my phone face down when that happened because I did not want to deal with it (kids, don't try this at home). And then I levelled up to the next stage. My phone would restart exactly when I was trying to send an important text, make an important call...or take a picture, or a million, of a beautiful sunset and boy, did that piss me off. I tried to look up solutions online but I couldn't find any that worked for me. Then I started bargaining. Is my phone shutting down and starting up on its own, which takes a total of 20 secs, really that big of a deal? I felt li

It was a fresh start, one that I needed desperately. Applications and documentation had taken so much of my time and sucked so much of my energy, I don't think I quite comprehended what the move was going to entail. While I was open to changes, I don't think I was aware of how much transformation across all aspects of life it would take to acclimatise myself to my new reality. I was just happy for a fresh start. Nothing else mattered.  But turns out, getting on the plane is the easiest step in all of this. The amount of transformation I've gone through and learning I've done in the past couple months is truly insane, to say the least. Recently, a friend back home asked me how I was doing living alone and I thought about it. Honestly, it hasn't been all good or all bad, but the important thing has been rooting and balancing myself despite it all. Not sure if anything I've written will be groundbreaking or something that hasn't been already said 7 million time

I wanted to hold your hand Amidst the crashing waves But I never seemed to understand the conditions to our affection Why could we fall apart onto each other sometimes, blind to everything else; Other times, I couldn’t even ask you to hold me, Why was I so afraid of rejection?   Did I romanticize your flimsy behavior? Or was I just a liar; Making up scenarios to downplay the extent of my emotions Because I keep choosing hurt over emptiness Delusion over reality; It does make me sometimes wonder Do I want affection or an excuse to not go seeking it?  

You’re like a feverish daydream, Floating in and out of my life endlessly, Because all your arrivals Leave me in a daze And with my heart relentlessly thudding against my chest, My mind racing against time itself Relapsing into a cacophony of emotions Rehashing our memories over and over Until I can't think straight. In your wake, I’m always left wondering- Are you even real? Or are you just a figment of my subconscious? Chiding me time and again, About how impassioned my life can truly be But   i s n’ t. 2:22  moonlight, i dream of you endlessly  drowning in reverie, waiting for morning

There's not much to say about love beyond what has already been said But in the past, every time we fell apart I always used to find new ways To bleed on paper about you. Yet, this time has been different Because the words I spit out about you now don't make any sense Just like how we fell apart doesn't             make                        any              sense. Every time I sat down to write this, My thoughts always went back to that one time  When you said I'd never be able to write anything without you in it, ever again. I laughed and rolled my eyes at you then But I knew you were right Even during the long stretches of radio silence between us,  my words always seemed to find their way back to you.  You were sometimes the hero in my stories Sometimes the villain And yet,  you were there Carefully folded into euphemisms and metaphors some days of rust and stardust other days, of lies and disguise Regardless, you a

When I was 10, love was Familiarity. Love was big eyes and sweet smile, coming over to give me his share of chocolates that he got for someone's birthday. Love was getting picked to play with him first. Love was random calls to my house that my mom picked up. Love was waiting for his silly emails over long summer breaks. Love was knowing I was his best friend. When I was 14, love was a Secret. Love was staring at his pretty eyes from far away. Love was the music in my ears whenever I heard him call my name. However, love was also sly. Love was accidentally brushing against his skin while walking beside him. Love was catching him looking at me and at once looking away. Love was the crescendo of heartbeats that came after. Love was... finding out it was love. When I was 17, love was All-knowing. Love was thinking pretty eyes wasn't love at all. Love was realizing I hadn't met love yet but knowing exactly what he looked like. Love will.... definitely be taller than me.