Twisted.

1

As we were sitting atop a hill overlooking the city, I told you how I loved sunsets. The fervor of the day changing into night, the caramelization of everything under the sun, the breathtaking frenzy of colors and how no two sunsets ever looked the same... I told you how I loved it all. You looked at me quizzically like you didn't comprehend a word I'd just said. You then confessed to me how you felt there were better things to do than spend time watching sunsets and gently kissed me on the lips for the first time ever.

2

It was a sweltering summer's day and we were both melting under the Kathmandu sun. I'd asked you to come help me out buy a dress. You asked me what sort of dress I wanted to buy. I had no idea yet so I told you the first thing that came to my head, something that always made my heart happy- Red. You mirrored your expressions from a few weeks ago. You confessed you didn't think I could pull off a Red dress. Maybe I should go with a traditional black that looks good on everyone? And maybe you could buy me that dress instead?

3

One night when we were talking on the phone until the wee hours of dawn, you asked me what my perfect day looked like. Even though I'd never thought about it before, I closed my eyes and it all came to me at once. I told you that it'd be a sunny day somewhere pretty, Italy maybe? And I'd be overlooking the bluest of blue seas sprawling endlessly ahead of me. I'd be engrossed over a good book with a well-made cup of magic auto-refilling tea in front of me, I said, chuckling. You had laughed. You asked me if that was all? And wouldn't that be a little too boring?

4

It was a frigid January evening because how could I ever forget? We'd just had a nice dinner at a quaint little restaurant we always went to. As we made our way out of the place, I leaned in to you for a goodbye kiss. Rather than leaning in, you had swiftly leaned back. I need to talk to you, you'd said. I asked you if it was going where I thought it was going? You gave me a sad smile. You told me how I was the nicest girl you'd ever met but- I cut you off.
Hurt.
Broken.
Miserable.
In that split second, I wondered why it was so easy for these feeling to reclaim my heart. I said a feeble farewell and walked away before the words could take me prisoner and suffocate me in my own skin, any more than they already had.

Looking back, I always wonder why you'd chosen to say a nice thing about me then, when I'd endured every mean, twisted thing you said when you thought you were just being honest.
I had loved you, despite it.
I loved you.
~~I love you.~~

Comments

The Knowing

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