On moving 6629km alone away from home

It was a fresh start, one that I needed desperately. Applications and documentation had taken so much of my time and sucked so much of my energy, I don't think I quite comprehended what the move was going to entail. While I was open to changes, I don't think I was aware of how much transformation across all aspects of life it would take to acclimatise myself to my new reality. I was just happy for a fresh start. Nothing else mattered. 

But turns out, getting on the plane is the easiest step in all of this. The amount of transformation I've gone through and learning I've done in the past couple months is truly insane, to say the least. Recently, a friend back home asked me how I was doing living alone and I thought about it. Honestly, it hasn't been all good or all bad, but the important thing has been rooting and balancing myself despite it all. Not sure if anything I've written will be groundbreaking or something that hasn't been already said 7 million times but I wanted to say it anyway. So here are some of the things that I've learned after moving alone to a new place: 

1) Taking care of yourself mentally, physically & emotionally is so much work

I grew up a very pampered kid. I did know how to cook & clean and liked it even to an extent but I've never really had to do anything around the house. But after starting to live alone, I quickly realised how much work it really is. Eat balanced meals 3x a day, clean 3x a day, manage your space, do laundry and sync all of it with your work and study schedule. I think I spent the first couple weeks of living alone without any time for personal thoughts. I also quickly realised that I hate cooking. It's a pain but someone's gotta do it. And someone is you. There is no escape. 

Taking care of your physical health is a chore but not as much as taking care of your mental and emotional health. It is too easy to get overwhelmed with life. If I go a few days without self-reflection, I feel a gnawing discomfort in my gut. In such instances, I've noticed journaling helps a lot. Writing down all your fears and dreams and why you are doing what you are doing and being as vulnerable as you can be. I'd say this and my daily meditation practice help me the most in self reflecting and checking in with myself. 

Pro tip: Cook in large batches especially if you're lazy like me. Journal & meditate. And it's ok to be sad sometimes. All your emotions are valid. 

2) Not comparing your journey to others

It's too easy to get caught up and compare your journey with other peoples'. But what we don't see is what they underwent to get where they are. Last year after a pretty bad couple months due to a breakup followed by a resignation in the span of few weeks, I met with one of my old friends. And as we were talking about career progression, I told him that I felt like I was falling back in life, and that I felt that I was "late". But he told me something simple that really helps me deal with things even today. He told me that I was the protagonist of my story and when ever I end up doing something is exactly the right time for it. There is no being late or early to anything because everyone's journey is different. And lately, I've come to understand this even more and it's something that has helped me be more compassionate and kind to myself. There is no one path to happiness and fulfilment. 

Pro tip: No matter what you're going through, be kind to yourself. 

3) Keeping up with virtual friendships & relationships 

I've never been a person with a million friends and I don't think that part of me will ever change. This means that it became even more important for me to keep track of virtual conversations with my friends and family back home. Especially because of a virus-that-shall-not-be-named, my virtual friends have come through for me on multiple occasions more than any of my friends here. It's also important to know how easy it is to NOT keep track of friendships and relationships with people thousands of miles away. I've never been much of a phone-talker but these days i'm on the phone constantly. I make sure to check on with people on a regular basis when not making an effort is literally the easiest thing in the world. Some of my friends and extended family used to get mad at me about being AWOL but lately, I've started to keep track of everyone. Virtual relationships have become more important than ever and I'm trying to be better at it everyday. 

Pro tip: Call you best friends, your parents and your inner circle more often. They miss you. 

4) New Friendships

Making new friends IS SO IMPORTANT. Especially making friends with those who are in a similar boat and can empathise with you. On days i'm overwhelmed, i don't want to talk to family or friends back home because it's difficult to explain to them why you feel the way you feel. On top of it, you don't want them to see that on some days you struggle with things. And on those days, new friends come through. You can be more open and honest with them because even though they care about you, it's less likely to worry them. And they're probably also going through the same thing so you feel heard and seen. Some days, feeling like your troubles are valid is more important than finding an immediate solution. Sometimes, complaining and ranting just help. It doesn't have to mean that I'm not grateful for the opportunities I've gotten and the life I live. 

Also, new friends teach you about new things. They had a wildly different childhood and a different personal journey to yours,  which makes up their world view. I love it when I can have open, healthy discussions about the tiniest, most inconsequential things and I've noticed I enjoy those conversations the most. For example, Australians apparently celebrate special occasions by drinking alcohol out of a shoe and it's called a shoey ( I wish I was making this up). On the flip side, why do Nepalis like Momo so much? One friend once called it a discount ravioli and I was ready to start a war. He also roasts me all the time but one bad word about Momo? Not on my watch. Us Nepalis clearly have our priorities straight.  

Pro tip: Try to broaden your circle. Don't only try to make friends with the same kind of people you've known all your life. There's so much to learn!

5) Having a growth mindset 

This is the most important part in all of it, and I physically can't stress this enough. With patience and persistence, you can achieve anything. The key is to not forget that important thing is trying to be better everyday. Some days, you'll slack, some days you'll fail, some days you'll be reckless but remembering that all of it is helping you become more well-rounded will make all the difference. Your power is that you have varied experiences and you're growing and trying to be better everyday. And nothing is more important than personal growth and contentment. 

Also, I feel like being grateful for where you are and complaining about your situation don't have to be mutually exclusive. Practicing gratefulness is extremely important but it's also okay to complain sometimes. Human beings are flawed and complex. I feel like balancing the two extremes help me feel sane and seen.

Pro tip: Every day, good or bad, is a learning opportunity. As long as you're not hurting anyone, it's ok to feel sad, anxious, ecstatic.....along with every other emotion under the sun. It's all part of the journey!

Sometimes, when I'm on the phone with my mom, she's like "Do you miss home?" And I tell her I don't which I honestly can't tell is a lie or not. I don't think even she knows what answer would make her happier either. Sure, I miss having easy access to momo all the time (lol-ing @ my priorities), not having to do anything to look after myself, drinking with my parents on friday nights, always having friends close by but again, where is the learning? where is the change? and I would hate to be stuck on a loop all the time, as comfortable as the loop was. In regards to moving to a new place alone, not every day is good & not every day is bad but I'm grateful for where I am today. And as for what's to come, Que sera sera.