A Tale of an Urban Nepali Woman

PC: gaderinge.com

It was a Sunday on a cold February evening. I was returning home on a public bus after meeting a friend. The busses which cater to my part of the city ( or lets be honest, ANY part of Kathmandu) in the evenings are quite crowded. I hadn't even gotten on the bus but had already started to hate the journey seeing the horde of people who were waiting along with me. When the bus came to sight, I ran towards the bus. But my fairly long legs fell short because I couldn't grab a seat and was left standing towards the back end.
If you haven't been on a public bus in Kathmandu in the evenings, there's something you should know: they are so crowded that you can barely breathe freely. So as I got on the bus, I had a moment of irrefutable regret. Because walking all the way home would have been easier than what I was going through (it was only 8km anyway! sigh).
Another thing you should know about public transport in Kathmandu: Most of the conductors on busses are douchebags who think busses are magical vessels which can carry infinite passengers at a time as long as they fit through the door.
So as more and more people got on the bus, my standing space shrinked so much so that I could barely manage to stand upright. There was a guy standing behind me, who was wearing a black leather jacket and blue jeans, struggling just as much as I was. He was courteous enough to put a hand across my back so that I could steady myself. After a while, I just let myself go and even without any spoken agreement between us, he supported my full weight. He got off the bus a few stations before my stop and as the bus was super packed, I couldn't even thank him....or see his face for that matter. I was so thankful to that stranger for his random act of kindness that day because especially in Nepal, it is admissibly rare to come across a guy on a public bus that is NOT a pervert.

In my 20 years of life in Kathmandu, I've actually never met a girl who frequents public busses, that hasn't been sexually harassed. Take this: 100% of urban Nepali women go through such mental turmoil day in and day out. I've known stories where girls have been groped by creepy men in broad daylight. I've heard about women that have been touched inappropriately by men twice, sometimes thrice their age. Perverted men who somehow make way to get their hands on a woman's breast like it's their birthright and a zillion other stories that I cannot recollect right now.

A common question in all these occurrences is why don't the women speak up? But the thing is they do speak. Sometimes with their panicked eyes, jumpy body languages and in some cases with actual words. But somehow, the blame is always on women and their choice of clothes or their "slutty" behavior. Honestly, being a woman, there is no winning. You might gently ask him not to do it or shout at the freak, but the blame will always be on the woman. "She is too forward being a girl" they'll say.

I have been fairly lucky as opposed to an average Nepali woman regarding such incidents. I have my own ride now which means I don't need to frequently travel on public busses. And I've only ever had men brush their fingers against my chest "lightly", had men try to feel my back with their scrawny little fingers and the common occurrence where men have mentally undressed me with their filthy eyes. Like I said, I've been quite lucky.

As I hear more and more stories from other women about what they've gone though, my mind always goes back to the stranger with black leather jacket, who helped me out that day. He not only helped me stand my ground that day but also restored my faith in mankind with his random act of kindness. And for that I'll be forever grateful.

Thank you stranger!

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