My Solace

My mom had been pestering me to clean my room since ages and there was always something that I used against her to put it off. Yeah, I am no clean freak ...... but my mom is. I am not all up for untidy rooms but no matter how often I put everything in place, somehow a day after everything gets messed up again. So I don't bother much. This morning I finally succumbed to my mom's pleas and decided to do it anyway.

I started with my study table as it needed the most immediate attention. And as soon as I got started, I unknowingly rummaged through old notebooks and rough copies. On the last page of EVERY single notebook, there were those scribbles of short poems and extracts of how my day was going on. It got me smiling and a sort of ecstasy spread through my veins. I had always been the kind of person who expressed her feelings through words and .... I haven’t changed one bit. :)

The thing with me is - I don't speak much. I was never the person with the largest group of friends and I feel its better this way. I don't revel in having a hundred people around me at all times, I revel in having a handful people who'd be to hell with me if I asked them to come with me. That's the way I have been all the way. The point here is that, I don't enjoy talking to people about my problems so I write.

I write when I feel lonely, I write when I'm sad, I write when I'm happy, I write when I'm bored in class, I write when I can't fall asleep..... I write ALL THE TIME. It may sound a tad bit dramatic but writing about things does give me hope. It strengths me; boosts me up to tackle the unknown, the inevitable. I don't know how all this works but somehow putting everything you're feeling on a paper makes it all alright. It's kind of like putting back the missing piece of puzzle onto its place. When I write about it, I feel the chasm diminishing. It sounds insane when I put it this way but it is no coincidence that this blog is named 'I speak my mind'. It's the way things are in my life, it's how I roll.

I have written something for every heartbreak, every fight with a friend, every falling apart......every time I couldn't smile at all. And I can proudly say that writing about it has always made me feel all the more better- a staggering 100% success rate.

It's because words are my hideaway. It's the vision that makes me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's my audacity of reverie. It's the one thing that makes me see things brightly. And when I write, I don't do it for anyone but me. It's my solace. I find solace in words. :)

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Turning Time

PC: thereadingroom.com [Published as 'There and back again' on 'The Kathmandu Post' on 24th July, 2016] As he entered the strange world, the air immediately got crisper, cooler. The fact that he had expected it didn't change how it affected him every time. The hair down his spine stood straight and he grabbed onto his jacket a little tighter. He was already out of place with his pair of jeans and blue button-down. His only hope was that the jacket shielded him against the oddity. Being transported to the new timeline was always strange. And the fact that he was always transported to the same date, July 28, 1914 even stranger. As he shuffled out the alley, he knew exactly what to expect. Just like the other times, a woman came charging down the street with a kid. He always narrowly missed stumbling into them. So today, he made a point to take a pause before entering the street. He was learning, despite the fact that he didn’t know why or how he got sent to t...

Love & Hate

PC: Elitedaily.com Silence woke her. As she laid on the floor, saliva drooping from her mouth, she realized it had gotten darker. She must have passed out for an hour or so. She sub-consciously touched her forehead. There was no blood this time but she knew it would bruise. The glass had hit her pretty hard, after all. Hits, Bruises and cover-ups were just another day in this household. As she got bearings of the time and place, she started to look around. Few yards away in the next room, she saw a heap of limbs passed out on the floor. Upon closer inspection, she could smell the concoction of alcohol, vomit and sweat. The view was jarring but she wasn't repulsed. The emotion that overcame her was pity. Pity at the man who was her husband. Pity at the man she once loved. As she looked back, she didn't know where exactly she she went wrong with her life. Born to a privileged family, she was smart and beautiful. No wonder, she had caught an athlete's eye. He was pre...

I know I can count on you :)

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The little things that matter :)

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about love

When I was 10, love was Familiarity. Love was big eyes and sweet smile, coming over to give me his share of chocolates that he got for someone's birthday. Love was getting picked to play with him first. Love was random calls to my house that my mom picked up. Love was waiting for his silly emails over long summer breaks. Love was knowing I was his best friend. When I was 14, love was a Secret. Love was staring at his pretty eyes from far away. Love was the music in my ears whenever I heard him call my name. However, love was also sly. Love was accidentally brushing against his skin while walking beside him. Love was catching him looking at me and at once looking away. Love was the crescendo of heartbeats that came after. Love was... finding out it was love. When I was 17, love was All-knowing. Love was thinking pretty eyes wasn't love at all. Love was realizing I hadn't met love yet but knowing exactly what he looked like. Love will.... definitely be taller than me....

The Knowing

Hey folks,, What's up with you guys? As of me I'm super busy with the assignments and home-works !! No matter how much effort I put....there's always another pile of assignments to complete! (sighs) Anyways.....this time I'm going to post a story I wrote ....Immature you may tell me but I seriously am improving day by day... :) ....Here's goes the story... Aryaa looked stunning in the red gown. Her face was gleaming. He couldn’t help watching her. She was moving so abruptly and graciously towards him that he nearly fainted. She looked ravishing and the pretty girl was now standing by his side. She looked at him with her big sparkly eyes. Her alluring fragrance was lifting him off his feet. She gestured him to tell him something in his ear. He absent-mindedly moved towards her. “Wake Up, Rahul” was what she said. For once he couldn’t make out what she was referring to and the next moment he opened his eyes. Rahul was already so late for college yet his mom insi...

Blank Canvas

Clarissa stared at the blank Canvas. It was the umpteenth time she had tried drawing that day and every time she had failed miserably. Heaps of scrunched white paper laid beneath her feet but even so, she wasn't done with the assignment yet. Art class that afternoon had been immensely enlightening. "Art comes from you heart and not your head. It unfolds the mystery of your sub-conscious. You may pretend things to be otherwise, but always remember that a piece of art is the window to your soul. It never lies", he'd said. And She had nodded, to herself more than anyone else. At the end of the class he had told everyone to draw something that made them smile, without reason and in the most turbulent of times. The pencil she'd been holding fell from her grasp and she bounced back from her reverie. She brainstormed again and again. She picked up the pencil and thought of various ways it could go. What was the thing she lived for ? She thought of the place sh...

On moving 6629km alone away from home

It was a fresh start, one that I needed desperately. Applications and documentation had taken so much of my time and sucked so much of my energy, I don't think I quite comprehended what the move was going to entail. While I was open to changes, I don't think I was aware of how much transformation across all aspects of life it would take to acclimatise myself to my new reality. I was just happy for a fresh start. Nothing else mattered. But turns out, getting on the plane is the easiest step in all of this. The amount of transformation I've gone through and learning I've done in the past couple months is truly insane, to say the least. Recently, a friend back home asked me how I was doing living alone and I thought about it. Honestly, it hasn't been all good or all bad, but the important thing has been rooting and balancing myself despite it all. Not sure if anything I've written will be groundbreaking or something that hasn't been already said 7 million time...

Falling Out

This was in no way in my thinking, Never thought we would end up this way Even with all the hopes and promises of forever We slowly drifted away. Even though you think otherwise now, You had a special place in my heart, always. I don't think that can ever be filled up No one can ever take that place, no way! I might have said the wrong things, I might have always wanted my way I apologize for all of it, I don't want to end things the bitter way. No matter how things ended between us, I never wanted it in any way But I do hope that you remain happy, And realize that all I wanted was to see you that way. We had an unfortunate falling out, I don't know who is to blame, But, I will always love you I know you will do the same.

Poems- I

Picture by my friend, quite a long time ago. I wouldn't call myself a poet. A good one, atleast. But every once in a while someone else takes over. Enjoy! Wrote this one last night because I had an exam. And I felt like doing literally anything other than studying. My favorite line: You took me in your arms And like waves we collided Wrote this one some two months back. Just because. My favorite line: But my heart forgets.

...I speak my mind =)