My Solace

My mom had been pestering me to clean my room since ages and there was always something that I used against her to put it off. Yeah, I am no clean freak ...... but my mom is. I am not all up for untidy rooms but no matter how often I put everything in place, somehow a day after everything gets messed up again. So I don't bother much. This morning I finally succumbed to my mom's pleas and decided to do it anyway.

I started with my study table as it needed the most immediate attention. And as soon as I got started, I unknowingly rummaged through old notebooks and rough copies. On the last page of EVERY single notebook, there were those scribbles of short poems and extracts of how my day was going on. It got me smiling and a sort of ecstasy spread through my veins. I had always been the kind of person who expressed her feelings through words and .... I haven’t changed one bit. :)

The thing with me is - I don't speak much. I was never the person with the largest group of friends and I feel its better this way. I don't revel in having a hundred people around me at all times, I revel in having a handful people who'd be to hell with me if I asked them to come with me. That's the way I have been all the way. The point here is that, I don't enjoy talking to people about my problems so I write.

I write when I feel lonely, I write when I'm sad, I write when I'm happy, I write when I'm bored in class, I write when I can't fall asleep..... I write ALL THE TIME. It may sound a tad bit dramatic but writing about things does give me hope. It strengths me; boosts me up to tackle the unknown, the inevitable. I don't know how all this works but somehow putting everything you're feeling on a paper makes it all alright. It's kind of like putting back the missing piece of puzzle onto its place. When I write about it, I feel the chasm diminishing. It sounds insane when I put it this way but it is no coincidence that this blog is named 'I speak my mind'. It's the way things are in my life, it's how I roll.

I have written something for every heartbreak, every fight with a friend, every falling apart......every time I couldn't smile at all. And I can proudly say that writing about it has always made me feel all the more better- a staggering 100% success rate.

It's because words are my hideaway. It's the vision that makes me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's my audacity of reverie. It's the one thing that makes me see things brightly. And when I write, I don't do it for anyone but me. It's my solace. I find solace in words. :)

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Sensations

PC: lovethispic.com He isn't cute. Cute doesn't even begin to describe half the person that he is. Cute is momentary, flimsy. And he is the furthest from flimsy as one can get. He is beautiful. His voice is beautiful, his laugh is beautiful and the way he looks at me, he makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever laid his eyes upon. He is a blazing flame. And I am but a mere moth. I'll get burnt, I know it. He doesn't promise me otherwise, either. Deciding it will be worth it has made all the difference. I could say I love him, but those three words can never justify the kaleidoscope of sensations I feel when I'm with him. He is all colors in one, at full brightness.

The Day I.....

My heart was still fluttering and it was only aggravating the situation further. It meant I still hadn't died, didn't it? But Why ? In the recent times, everybody has the day they’d die tattooed on their arm immediately after birth. It probably makes for a more sustainable living as people know their days are numbered so nobody does anything stupid at all. When someone is born, the medics check the Total Health Factor (THF) of the baby and calculate the day to which that person could live with no health-related obligations. People have THF ranging from 10 to even 35 years. People having THF lower than 10 are sent away, nobody except the government knows where. My THF is 16. And the date tattooed on my arm is 20th November 2311. Today. My providers had once told me about a time when death was uncertain. People lost the value of living because at one point everyone was just surviving for the sake of it. And the other major problem of that time was pe...

20 Things To Do Before 20

This post is a little different than the posts I usually do and it's "fun-er" than the rest of them too. I still have a year or two before I hit the twenties and that's where things get interesting. Teenage is probably going to be the most interesting part of our lives so I wanted to make a bucket list to make sure that this phase ceases in its full glory. So, this is my take on 20 things to do before 20 . Hope you enjoy going through it ! :) 20. Bunking classes 19. Reading a good book and crying 18. Not studying for an exam but still acing it 17. Having a "love at first sight" moment 16. Watching a TV series until you get sick....literally 15. Trying a food you can't pronounce 14. Having at least 20 crushes 13. Talking to someone through the night till dawn 12. Going for shopping... alone! 11. Watching back-to-back movie at a cinema hall 10. Dating someone who isn't your type 9. Going to a dance party 8. Drunk dial...

Poems- I

Picture by my friend, quite a long time ago. I wouldn't call myself a poet. A good one, atleast. But every once in a while someone else takes over. Enjoy! Wrote this one last night because I had an exam. And I felt like doing literally anything other than studying. My favorite line: You took me in your arms And like waves we collided Wrote this one some two months back. Just because. My favorite line: But my heart forgets.

Love & Hate

PC: Elitedaily.com Silence woke her. As she laid on the floor, saliva drooping from her mouth, she realized it had gotten darker. She must have passed out for an hour or so. She sub-consciously touched her forehead. There was no blood this time but she knew it would bruise. The glass had hit her pretty hard, after all. Hits, Bruises and cover-ups were just another day in this household. As she got bearings of the time and place, she started to look around. Few yards away in the next room, she saw a heap of limbs passed out on the floor. Upon closer inspection, she could smell the concoction of alcohol, vomit and sweat. The view was jarring but she wasn't repulsed. The emotion that overcame her was pity. Pity at the man who was her husband. Pity at the man she once loved. As she looked back, she didn't know where exactly she she went wrong with her life. Born to a privileged family, she was smart and beautiful. No wonder, she had caught an athlete's eye. He was pre...

Blank Canvas

Clarissa stared at the blank Canvas. It was the umpteenth time she had tried drawing that day and every time she had failed miserably. Heaps of scrunched white paper laid beneath her feet but even so, she wasn't done with the assignment yet. Art class that afternoon had been immensely enlightening. "Art comes from you heart and not your head. It unfolds the mystery of your sub-conscious. You may pretend things to be otherwise, but always remember that a piece of art is the window to your soul. It never lies", he'd said. And She had nodded, to herself more than anyone else. At the end of the class he had told everyone to draw something that made them smile, without reason and in the most turbulent of times. The pencil she'd been holding fell from her grasp and she bounced back from her reverie. She brainstormed again and again. She picked up the pencil and thought of various ways it could go. What was the thing she lived for ? She thought of the place sh...

A Fatal Combination

I kept looking for answers in you Little did I know, You were the question And separation was all the answer I ever needed. When we loved, we'd turn the entire world rosy, shouting our love for each other from literal rooftops. Other days, the love would just vanish making me question the reality of those feelings. Sometimes, we'd talk through the night and only stop when dawn would knock on our respective window panes. Other times, we'd go multiple days without so much of a hello. Somedays, you'd have your hands all over me and I'd be writhing under your touch. Other days, you wouldn't so much as hold my hand. We were always too much and never enough. A fatal combination.

On moving 6629km alone away from home

It was a fresh start, one that I needed desperately. Applications and documentation had taken so much of my time and sucked so much of my energy, I don't think I quite comprehended what the move was going to entail. While I was open to changes, I don't think I was aware of how much transformation across all aspects of life it would take to acclimatise myself to my new reality. I was just happy for a fresh start. Nothing else mattered. But turns out, getting on the plane is the easiest step in all of this. The amount of transformation I've gone through and learning I've done in the past couple months is truly insane, to say the least. Recently, a friend back home asked me how I was doing living alone and I thought about it. Honestly, it hasn't been all good or all bad, but the important thing has been rooting and balancing myself despite it all. Not sure if anything I've written will be groundbreaking or something that hasn't been already said 7 million time...

How I Met Your Mother vs Friends

Photo:Pinterest I watched How I Met Your Mother for the first time when I was in 7 th grade. At that time, the jokes most likely went right over my head and I probably didn’t understand the context to many things but still something about Ted Mosby resonated with me, even then. I have always struggled with keeping my love in check like him which has led to various failings throughout the years but Ted’s always had my back by being one step ahead. For these reasons and more, I whole-heartedly love the show. On the other hand, I watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. a couple years later and thought it was mostly nice. I’d all but forgotten about it until last year when, for some reason, everyone started talking about it. I, by no means, thought it was a bad show but I couldn’t fathom why everyone liked it so much . People started labelling it superior to HIMYM which didn’t sit well with me. So I decided to re-watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S to gain perspective which led me to the conclusio...

Why is Game of Thrones so popular?

I was a little late to the game of thrones party as I only started watching it after it had aired its fourth season. After constant peer pressure and years of blatant disregard of pop culture, I finally succumbed to the worldwide phenomenon that is game of thrones and how. After over two years of constantly speculating theories and waiting for the plot to move forward for the most part of the year, it’s safe to say that the seven gods have charmed me. What makes it so irresistible? Politics and Power play Politics is one of the major themes of the series. Every step taken is a step taken towards being more powerful than before. And power doesn’t come easy. Gruesome killings, murder, fraudulence, mind games come to people as easy as breathing. Where ostensibly good characters don’t make it even a few episodes whereas bad ones just keep multiplying their forces. You can never fully say who has the upper hand because power keeps radically shifting. And because of its likeliness...

...I speak my mind =)