Someone like you...

When someone asks my opinion about love , words fail me. I have watched countless movies and read so many books based on that particular feeling but if I really think about it, have no clue what it's like. I have been in love but never actually felt it from the person I wanted to. Don't know what it feels like when all the love you pour is sent back to you because you deserve it. Some people have claimed to love me but those were not the people I wanted to hear those words from. The heart wants what the heart wants. Period.

I fell in love at a pretty young age. Also, I have had the most cliched love story the human kind will ever know- falling in love with your best friend. In between the copy borrowing and taking out time to glance at him in the class, the missing-you emails during the vacation and waiting around the corridor to say the final goodbye before you leave for home at the end of everyday, being torn apart between wanting to call him every evening and not doing so..... I fell in love with every bit of him. The way he did his hair, the smell of his cologne every time he came closer, the few seconds of eye contact... everything that had anything to do with him became the part of my life. He was everything I wished for when I got any chance to wish for something. He was the reason I kept my eyes on the night sky for the fallen star.

There were so many times when I couldn't sleep when I thought of all the things we were and everything we could be. Thinking of seeing him in the morning would flush my face with a tint of pink and the sole reason I checked my facebook or the e-mail was to find his name there. Only the thoughts of him too, could do pretty magical things to me.

We had been best friends for many years. We used to share the same interests, had almost the same sentiments but the only thing that changed was me. I had fallen in love with him, to extend that I could not even fathom losing him to some girl but ...I was pretty much the same person to him. The same person I had been to him all those years.

Things didn't work out between us somehow but in my mind I'd always thought that we clicked perfectly. The first cut is the deepest sings Sheryl Crowe and so it was. I've had my rebounds, forced myself to fall in love with some other guys just so I could take my mind off of him but in the end nothing worked. I guess I'll have to live with the feeling of not knowing what we'd be like if we were together, for the rest of my life. Nowadays, I like to think that maybe I got over him.. just maybe. His thoughts still haunt me time and again and I'd like to think that it's because he was my first love.

Somewhere in all this mess, Adele gives me hope. Maybe I will find someone like him someday who will actually return all the love he receives from me....... It's something I'll keep on wishing till the end.
" Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for youDon't forget me, I begged, I remember you saidSometimes it lasts in love sometimes it hurts instead"

Comments

I Want It No More !!

Hey lovely people ! Ah... It feels so good to be updating my blog after such a long time. It was not like I was busy or something..... i just could think of anything to blabber about at all . Pretty strange, right ? haha Anyways, the writer me is back , I think :P lol. *enough of the drama now* As the picture above may have suggested , the post today is about a very common human trait- Being judgmental. I was a very judgmental person. I judged and grouped people so fast and involuntarily, that I stunned myself (YES, this really happened !!!) But now I'm slowly trying to outgrow it. I should have realized that I had to get rid of this nature of mine ages ago but oh well! I am a late bloomer and that's not something I can help myself with. I didn't even think I had this problem until a while ago until all of this came daunting on me. All this happened on a social networking website, facebook of course :P There is this group there wher...

thank god it's friday

I don’t know if it’s just me or time seems to be moving a lot faster these days. I simply refuse to believe that it’s been 3 weeks since I joined my new job. And it’s end of March already? No fking way. I haven’t written for a big audience in a long time. If you know me, you know that I have always loved writing but over the past year, life caught up with me. I don’t know if mid 20s for everyone is a whirlwind or if it’s because I moved to a new country or because I was finishing up my Uni, working 4 days a week at my unpaid internship and 20 hours/week nightshift at the job that paid for my life all at the same time, everything was always too much. Sorry to my friends and family that I haven’t called in a while but calling takes too much effort. It’s my least favourite method of communication. But know that I miss you and I love you. Life isn’t bad at all, just a lot. I did try to start writing again in the past year and a half. But everything I wrote was stupid. I didn’t e...

Rust & stardust

There's not much to say about love beyond what has already been said But in the past, every time we fell apart I always used to find new ways To bleed on paper about you. Yet, this time has been different Because the words I spit out about you now don't make any sense Just like how we fell apart doesn't make any sense. Every time I sat down to write this, My thoughts always went back to that one time When you said I'd never be able to write anything without you in it, ever again. I laughed and rolled my eyes at you then But I knew you were right Even during the long stretches of radio silence between us, my words always seemed to find their way back to you. You were sometimes the hero in my stories Sometimes the villain And yet, you were there Car...

(un)finished business

By Vincent van Gogh - Starry Night Over the Rhone You were a ship passing by my ship during a sunset. Ours was a chance encounter, so it was never about staying close forever Nor was it about helping each other traverse the tides together. We had both set sail to reach far away lands from different ends of the earth With our journeys laid out in front of us. But when we met amidst the vastness of the sea It was difficult not to believe that something about our closeness made sense. There was comfort and ease in existing together, A never before felt sense of synchronicity, That all was unfolding as it should. I was the first to say goodbye though, Not because I didn't want you, But because I wanted you too much and I knew we weren't on the same page. But why is it that even if I was the reason we sail separately today, I find myself thinking about you more frequently than I care to admit. Sometimes, memories of you feel like a fervent fev...

Winter Solstice

Photo credit: https://creativelyuncorked.com As we get drunk on that year regret and joy swirl together, in a concoction bitter and sweet, raging poison that I devour quickly. Sitting across from me you look at me with those eyes an ember simmering quietly, and once again I’m taken back to your year worth of ‘love you’s and my goodbyes that I never really got to say. I should be mad at you but i look at you now and i just can’t resist you. But this time, i don’t overlook the truth i can’t mistake the unabashed joy in your smile when you say her name, anymore. Every syllable you utter makes my heart skip a beat in all the wrong ways so I try to drown the suffocation with liquid delusion but I fail and you see through me you always saw right through me. I feel an overwhelming sense of shame right then how does someone see right through you but still fail to love you how?

Daydream

You’re like a feverish daydream, Floating in and out of my life endlessly, Because all your arrivals Leave me in a daze And with my heart relentlessly thudding against my chest, My mind racing against time itself Relapsing into a cacophony of emotions Rehashing our memories over and over Until I can't think straight. In your wake, I’m always left wondering- Are you even real? Or are you just a figment of my subconscious? Chiding me time and again, About how impassioned my life can truly be But i s n’ t. 2:22 moonlight, i dream of you endlessly drowning in reverie, waiting for morning

...I speak my mind =)